Not a Table, Doors!
by Kaylien
Summary: Season 5 spoilers! Maybe Woolsey should’ve asked Caldwell to bring some doors to Atlantis instead of a table since the ones currently in use don’t seem to open for him. With a bit of Shep whump thrown in for good measure. Takes place after Broken Ties.


**Not a Table****, Doors!**

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**Spoilers:** Season 5!!

**Summary**: Maybe Woolsey should've asked Caldwell to bring some doors to Atlantis (instead of a table) since the ones currently in use don't seem to open for him. With a bit of Shep whump thrown in for good measure. Takes place some time after Broken Ties.

**A/N:** Sheppard's connection to Atlantis isn't exactly canon. Blame the plot bunnies, I say. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little fic.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own a thing, except for maybe the mistakes and horrible typos. And technically speaking, I do own the story idea.

Don't forget to feed the muse!! Reviews would be much appreciated.

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Woolsey had heard stories of the great city of Atlantis. They didn't sound like they were about a city, they sounded more like they were about a real person. A female being to be exact, able to manage thoughts. Some of these stories he believed, others… _not so much_. That someone with the ATA gene could _get in touch_ with the city like it was some kind of sentient being, wasn't the kind of thing he believed. Sure, he'd seen his share of weird, unexplainable stuff on earth and during his first few days as a leader in the Pegasus Galaxy. But still, a city keeping him locked inside the debriefing room was a little too crazy for words. Back on earth they might have declared him certifiable. And even if _she_ had thoughts of her own, why would she lock him in? It's not as if he'd done anything to piss her off. Or did he? Some people believed the stories, others didn't. Woolsey figured there was a human element involved, he just needed to find out who the culprit was. He wasn't the kind of guy who believed in a sentient city holding a grudge against him for some unknown reason. He'd have to have a few words with a few possible suspects. After all, things were surprisingly normal when his Alpha team wasn't around to temper with ancient doors. He started suspecting a certain colonel.

He jumped a little when the gate alarms started blaring.

'_Another thing that takes some getting used to.'_

"What's the matter?" he asked Chuck.

"It's Colonel Sheppard's team, they're back early."

Woolsey motioned for the marines to take position and ordered, "lower the shield."

As he went down the stairs he could see his Alpha team stumble through the gate. He only had to take in their appearances for a second before tapping his earpiece. "Medical team to the gate room."

For a moment he just stood there as he eavesdropped on their conversation.

"Told you… they… weren't farmers," Sheppard stated matter-of-factly as he huffed out a breath.

"It's not like I'm a psychic. And I definitely don't have x-ray vision, like I said before I am NOT Su-"

"No, Rodney you are not Superman. I believe you may have mentioned that before," Teyla interrupted.

Ronon snorted at that. "He most definitely isn't."

A small smile crept on Woolsey's face. Who said the bureaucrat didn't have a sense of humor? His smile faded when the med team arrived and he could take in the team's injuries. It looked like the fairly new commander cared as well.

Ronon had been supporting most of Sheppard's weight, it seemed like the Lt. Col. had taken the brunt of whatever it was that had hit them. The big Satedan helped his team leader, who insisted he could walk just fine, lie down on the waiting gurney. As Dr. Keller and a couple of nurses fussed over the team members, Woolsey took a few steps closer.

Dr. McKay was cradling his left hand close to his body. Other than that and a few cuts and bruises the man looked well enough.

He shifted his gaze to Teyla. He sighed in relief when he concluded all she needed was a nice long shower.

His eyes moved to the Satedan next. Two field bandages covered a what seemed to be long gash on the man's left arm. More cuts and bruises, he noticed.

"Stay with me, Colonel," he heard Dr. Keller's voice and moved back to his second-in-command.

"Not the time to faint, Sheppard," McKay chided.

"I _do not_… faint. I'm just … a little sleepy."

"Let's get you to the infirmary so I can have a look at your shoulder and that hard head of yours."

The Lt. Col. turned his head to look at makeshift sling.

"Thanks for reminding me, I'd completely forgotten," he muttered sarcastically.

Knowing the man was in pain, Keller let the comment slide. With Sheppard settled on the gurney they headed for the infirmary.

"Why don't I get a ride?" McKay complained as they disappeared into the hallway.

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When he joined the team in the infirmary a while later, he found them patched up and waiting for news on Colonel Sheppard's condition.

"I thought maybe we could hold the debriefing here. If you're all up to it that is."

"There is not much to explain," Teyla started, "we were supposed to meet the people of Cetoris and come to a trading agreement."

"Go on."

"We promised them medicines in exchange for something they called Moobak," she continued her story.

"Which turned out to be more powerful than C4 and a lot more unstable as well. Trust me, we know all about how powerful their Moobak is. They gave us a nice little demonstration."

"Rodney! They did not know it would explode so soon. If they'd known they wouldn't have used one of their own men to activate the trigger."

"Which, by the way, could only be activated really close to the Moobak. Did I mention useless crap and extremely dangerous? Moobak bad, very bad."

"I get the picture, Doctor McKay. I think that'll do for today. Why don't the three of you get some rest?"

"Not until we hear from Keller," Ronon immediately intervened.

"Very well. Where did she take Colonel Sheppard? X-ray?"

"The ancient version of an x-ray anyway. For the third time thanks to Conan over there."

Woolsey wanted more information on the matter, but didn't get the chance to pursue it. Dr. Keller joined the group with a reassuring smile on her face.

"What's that smell?" wasn't the question Jennifer Keller expected.

"He's asleep right now and I'd like to keep it that way, at least for the next two hours. We'll be waking him frequently."

"He'll like that," Ronon said sarcastically.

"Did he throw up on you?" McKay guessed.

"A concussion will do that to you," she replied.

McKay's smile broadened at that and she sure as hell didn't miss the sadistic glint in the man's eyes.

"And his shoulder?" Teyla tactically changed the subject.

She turned to Ronon at that. "Next time, you don't do anything. Especially when you're not too far from the gate. He was lucky you didn't do more damage. If there ever is a next time, you wait and let us do all the medical work. Got it?"

At his short nod she continued, "I managed to put the humerus head back into the correct position. With the necessary physical therapy, I'm sure he'll make a full recovery."

"When can we see him?" Teyla asked.

"Tomorrow," she replied before adding, "not a minute earlier and that's final. I suggest you get some rest, I'm sure you need it."

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"Paperwork," Woolsey clarified as he closed the laptop and placed it on the bedside table.

'_Still the bureaucrat,'_ Sheppard thought for a moment. He eyed the man before shifting in bed in an attempt to get more comfortable. It turned out there weren't any pain free positions.

"What brings you too my humble abode?" he asked instead while stifling a yawn.

"I would've dropped by earlier but I was _otherwise occupied_." He didn't feel like mentioning he'd had troubles getting out of his quarters. Even the door controls wouldn't work anymore.

"Wouldn't have been much of an asset for the obvious reasons. I'm surprised Keller let you in."

"As a matter of fact she did threaten to do horrible things to me if I woke you up."

Sheppard watched the man squirm in his seat and wondered if he was really scared. Woolsey practically jumped when the light intensity lowered.

"Sorry about that, she does that when she senses I have a headache."

"She?"

"Atlantis. I guess you haven't really met her yet."

"Actually, I think I have. This may sound a little strange, but did you, by any chance, notice anything weird going on around here?"

"Weirder than normal? What exactly do you have in mind?"

"Oh er, nothing in particular."

"You mean like the little light trick?"

"Well, maybe," he admitted.

"Don't worry about it, you'll get used to it."

"I was hoping you could tell me how to avoid _these things_."

"Depends on what you're talking about."

"I'd like to be able to exit the debriefing room without having to call for a technician. Surely you've had this problem before?"

Sheppard shrugged one shoulder. "Not really."

Woolsey eyed the Colonel for a moment.

"You're not under the impression I have something to do with that?" He tried to conceal a smile.

"I've heard stories," he admitted.

"And now you'd like to find out what's true and what's not," Sheppard didn't make it a question.

Woolsey just nodded.

"I don't _talk_ to the city if that's what you've heard, nor do I order her to carry out my evil wishes."

"Her?" he pressed.

"She isn't exactly like a person like some of _those stories_ might've led you to believe. It seems like she senses what people with the ATA gene think. And she _reacts_ to those thoughts."

"How would you explain my door problem?"

'_Maybe she doesn't like you,' _Sheppard thought for a second, but dismissed the evil words. He didn't mean them anyway. Woolsey wasn't so bad. Especially now the man had seen the light. Breaking the rules wasn't abnormal in the Pegasus Galaxy. Now he'd figured that one out, he'd do fine as a leader.

"Beats me," he replied instead.

"I feel like I'm taking a leap here, but if you can ask her to turn down the light intensity, could you try asking her to keep the doors open when I want to leave."

"It's not like I can contact her or anything, but I could try, I suppose."

"That's all I ask. Thank you, Colonel."

Loud voices interrupted their conversation.

"Looks like your team is here, I should go, I have more work to do," he stated as he indicated the laptop. He picked up _his baby_ and sneaked out. It seemed like McKay and Woolsey had something in common.

"How are you feeling, John?" Teyla asked as she took the seat Woolsey had warmed only moments earlier.

"Shoulder's a little sore, bit of a headache, other than that I'm fine."

"Blame Conan over there, he's the one who tried to _re_locate your shoulder back on that planet."

Sheppard turned his attention to the Satedan. "McKay's been calling you Conan again?"

"We should do something about that once I get out of here. I'm sure you'll like my idea, McKay."

"Really?"

"No."

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"Movie night, huh? What's the movie?"

"John said it's a surprise," Teyla answered his question.

"Not _Fantastic Four_ again, right? Please, tell me someone brought popcorn."

"I liked it," Ronon said as he handed the popcorn to Teyla with a grin on his face.

"That's just … childish." McKay turned to Sheppard, "who decided it was your turn to pick a movie anyway?"

"My recovery time, my turn to pick a movie," the Colonel stated seriously while indicating his sling.

"Hey, I broke a finger."

Sheppard just pressed the 'play' button instead of replying. They didn't have to get engrossed in the movie to uncover Sheppard's little plan.

"McKay!" Ronon yelled.

"Conan the Barbarian? Figures, Sheppard. Just something you would do." McKay snatched the popcorn out of Teyla's hands.

The man in question smiled at what he'd accomplished. Only one more thing to do… Sheppard turned his attention to his girl.

_I think we've had enough fun__ with Woolsey, we should give the man a break. No more need to close the doors when he tries to exit._

_He welcomed the soft humming he got in reply._

_'That's my girl...'_

**The end**

Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it. Oh, and don't forget to press the review button.


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